That Feeling

I recently saw my classroom for the first time. Let me tell you what it felt like.

Pretend you're at an amusement park. There is a massive roller coaster ride in the very center of the park. You stand at the base of the ride, looking up. The ride disappears into the clouds above you. You watch people get off the ride, either whooping for joy or barfing their brains out. You decide to buy a ticket for the ride.

The anticipation builds. You stand in line, playing the waiting game. You finally get on the ride and the attendant straps you in ever so carefully.

Then it starts. You feel the cart cranking slowly on the upward spiral. A second feels like a minute. The uphill feels like forever. You sit in the cart waiting. Anticipation is once again the closest thing in your mind. Your heart threatens to beat itself out of your chest. Then finally, the drop begins. Your stomach hides in your esophagus as you feel gravity take hold. There is no more anticipation. You're only flying now. You don't know if you should scream and let go of the handles, or clench your jaw and wrap your arms into a death like pretzel grip around them.

Then the ride comes to a stop. You get off and look around at everyone else. Some will look how you feel. Some will seem oblivious. And some go back for more.

The experience is a mixture of patience, fear, timidness, anxiety, excitement, anticipation, hope, and enjoyment.

This is what it feels like to be a new teacher, opening a new school, with only a month left until the school year starts. This is what it feels like when you're itching to fill a classroom with all your creativity and knowledge for the new year but you can't because you can't get the keys to your classroom yet. This is what it feels like to write curriculum and bond with new people. This is what it feels like when the "to do" lists are longer than the "it's done" lists. This is what it feels like when you lie awake at night listening to your heart beat as your mind whirls a million miles a minute, planning, thinking, readying for the year to start.

As you lay awake for hours, you realize that you haven't even gotten on the ride yet. You're still waiting in line to get on the roller coaster. It is the unknown-ness of the ride that gets your heart and stomach fluttering. There is part unadulterated excitement and part worry. Either way, it is going to be the thrill of a lifetime.

This face should explain it all:

Feeling Humbled

The countdown has begun...only a month left until school starts! Recently I made a donation page on gofundme.com asking for help in gathering money so I could buy children's books for my classroom. 

When I first posted the link to the donation page, I had a preconceived idea of who might donate. However, my preconceived idea was completely wrong. I got donations from people that I thought were long gone from my circle. In the course of going to college, my friends from home all moved away and grew up. It was not until I received donations from two special people from my past that I realized that maybe my circle was bigger than I thought. Or maybe the higher power of children was the true meaning. 

Despite my ramblings, I am completely humbled at how many people want to support my dreams, my future, and my students' future. Humanity constantly surprises me, and for that I am glad. 

Boring

I recently experienced a life changing event in which I was offered a great new teaching job. I can't tell you how thrilled I am! I feel over the moon with excitement! The past couple weeks I've had the chance to work at my new school, learning about the school culture and being part of the school routines. The school is wonderfully unique and full of exciting people and experiences.

I find myself coming back to the same questions: How could this happen to me? Why would these inspirational teachers and administrators want me, someone who is so boring??

I finally had a revelation. When I was 16, someone who I thought was a close friend, told me how boring she thought I was. This has resonated with ever since then. I keep finding myself in situations doubting my own fun unique perspective because someone from my past told me how boring I was. And to be honest, I still feel tender from an offhand comment that was made years ago. Do I really think I am boring? NO! But just because she thought I was boring, whenever I meet new people, I wonder if they'll find me boring too.

I'm making a declaration here and now to set myself free from the boring label. It's in the past and it doesn't matter to me anymore. I am wonderful as I am and I don't need to make myself something I am not to become unboring to anyone. People need to accept me as I am and if they don't, I don't want them to know my true self!

I hope that anyone reading this can free themselves from any labels that constrain you too!

You Must Always Remember

Sometimes life throws some curveballs your way, but whenever that has happened, my mother has always chanted the wise words of Winnie the Pooh. I stumbled across this beautiful artistic representation of these words and had to share. You can find the original posting of this at http://society6.com/product/Winnie-the-Pooh-Frl_Print. If these words could pull me through some tough times, then I know they'll help you too. "You are braver than you believe. Stronger than you seem. And smarter than you think."

You want to know another saying that I always grew up hearing?? 

Me: "Mom, I feel SO overwhelmed! I can't do all of this!"

Mom: "How do you eat an elephant?"

Me: "Huh? Why would I want to eat an elephant?"

Mom: "If you had to eat an elephant, you'd eat it one bite at a time!"

Pretty much the saying about the elephant means that no matter how overwhelming life gets, the only thing you can do is keep going, one step (or bite) at a time. 

Thanks mom for all your infinite wisdom!

What I've Learned About Long Distance

I've been in a long distance relationship for 10 months now and I've learned a thing (or two) that I'd like to share.

1. It takes a lot of communication. A lot.
2. Don't give up when the going gets tough. And trust me, it'll be tough.
3. Treasure every moment you have with your loved one.
4. Write down any special comment or conversation you have. Those small notes will have to feed you through some long winters.
5. Say "I love you" often. And mean it.
6. Always have a plan for when you'll see each other next.
7. Think realistically about a long term plan for your relationship.
8. Fantasize about your relationship. It'll make it funner to day dream about, rather than missing him.
9. Keep communicating.
10. It's not always fun and sometimes it's a lot of work.
11. Send each other "selfies" on a regular basis. It's nice to see their face.
12. Share positive stories about him to your friends. They'll want to make sure you're happy.
13. It's ok to cry.
14. It's important to make each other laugh.
15. Don't ever give up communicating.
16. Take the time to share the boring details of your day. Those details are important.
17. Sometimes when it seems like there's no end in sight, remember that He has a plan for both of you and this is just part of the process.
18. It's all worth it when you see him for the first time in months. It's like your stomach and heart explodes into butterflies and confetti. Seriously.

This list is a work in progress. For those of you who have been in long distance relationships, I think you know what I'm talking about.

Keep coming back for more day dreams from Emily!